I need serious marital advice quick. I have nobody I can tell without it opening a huge can of worms?
My instinct is to run home to mom but I didn't tell her what happened because I know she will freak out and insist me and my toddler come to her house. I have been visiting my mom a hundred miles away for 4 days with my son and I have a husband who I have been married to for 11 years. We have one 2 year old. My son is my world. I am a stay at home mom and go to nursing school 3 days a week, other than that I am at home. I am sorry this is long but this seems like a place I can ask. My husband has too many friends. They come and go as they please throughout my home, I feed at least one of them a night, and currently one is staying in our guest room and my husband just told me that the law is looking for him and he has nowhere to go, so my husband feeling sorry for him has let him stay the past two months. I really don't have a problem with him and the law is looking for him apparently for having a gun and he is a felon from stealing a car when he was 20 back in 1982 and felons can't have guns. That is not even the problem although I told my husband he had to go because I am not comfortable having a wanted freaking fugitive in my home. While I was gone my husband let a few people stay over. Now keep in mind we have been married over a decade. I know my husband drinks and occasionally smokes weed. I personally have never done anything stronger than tylenol and have never actually seen him smoke it because I do not approve of it and it is a sore subject with us. He is open about it so he doesn't feel the need to lie. Tonight when I came home the house was a total disaster. I was cleaning stuff up and we have a tv stand in our living area and my son plays in it by putting his toys in there and such and he opened it and grabbed one of my priceless china plates my grandma gave me and it had white powder on it. I was stunned as to why it was there or what it could be until I saw it shining and I knew it couldn't be good. I tasted it and it tasted like battery acid or something. My mind went immediately to cocaine. The guy who lives with us was outside and I called him in, since my husband hadn't got home yet and asked him what it was and he said "hon, all I can tell you is that it is no good. I promise it isn't mine, but I am not lying to you that it aint good" I believe it wasn't his, I could tell by the look on his face. My problem is that my kid had access to freaking hard core drugs. I have never been so sick in my life. I met my husband on the road with another of his friends and told him I was moving out and couldn't live like this anymore. I mean you don't know how low you can feel until you see your two year old holding a plate with cocaine on it. I am so done. I love my husband dearly, but I feel he is not doing his job protecting us. He let this happen and I am lost. What should I do?
Marriage & Divorce - 12 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You are totally wrong and way off base ! If it tasted like solvent it was methamphetamine, coke tastes good.
2 :
Isn't cocaine usually done on mirrors or pieces of glass....??? If it is cocaine, I would say...you can't change who your husband is friends with. HOWEVER, he can't let certain friends hang out at the house. You are going to have to lay down the law...His friends can hang out, but not live in your house. Marriage counseling, divorce, police...the only other thing I can think of. Take care ^__^
3 :
Get out. This is BS. He is treating you like his maid, not his wife. And the fact that there are drugs in the home, child protection WILL remove the child if you don't leave and create a safe place for you and your child. You can still love your husband, but obviously he doesn't respect you, if he did he wouldn't be behaving so irresponsible. And love does not mean this person is healthy for you. But I think the part for me is that you enable all of his behaviours, ie. you cleaned up the house he destroyed, rather than having him do it with his little friend. Seriously, get out, go stay with a friend or your mom, mom doesn't need to know all the details, just that you need to come stay because your marriage is over, is a long story and you can't get into the details. I am a firm believer of listening to your gut, your gut said "I AM SO DONE". That's it.
4 :
Hi Tanya, You are lucky that I came online just now and I read your question. I know what would be your situation but let me tell you very straight. Keeping a fugitive in home and hiding this information is a big crime and I believe you both (your husband & you) are doing since long. This stranger guy can be dangerous and when time will permit, he can use his gun. Also he is involved in drugs..This is really scary. My suggestion would be - Call Cops and tell them "There is fugitive staying at our place and we are not aware of his actions. He has gun and looks like, he is involved in drugs too. It seems you husband involved in wrong type of friends and your duty to hold him back doing what I suggested. Dont fear and do it. You are going to do a very noble thing which is good for sociaty and yourself too. Good Luck !!
5 :
i won't know why your husband like his friends so much. Talk to him about drugs, make it a rule that no drugs are allowed into the house. You don't want your son to be overdose with cocaine...if your husband still feel it's ok to keep his matrimonal home a 24-hr open house to all his friends, it may not be safe for you n your son. His friends have to go stay somewhere else, your husband can rent a room for them elesewhere but should not harbour outlaws. You may be implicated. Take a huge allowance from him n move out is the other option n if he keeps letting outlaws into the house, you may seek legal advice to protect your status.
6 :
I'm so sorry angel.. I agree coke (or meth)is as low as it gets. putting up with the other stuff is codependent as it is, and then that? I truly feel sad for you. I feel like you misjudged your husbands character. He misjudged his friends character, I am sure your husband was just trying to be nice, but when it comes to your children, you just don't mess around. Your husband should never have a friend like that and I hope by now he kicked him out and never talks to him again, if he can't do that, or if he sticks up for him, I don't think he was the man you married. Leave for your son's safety, I hope you can turn to your mother because that is the first place I would go. Maybe she will understand you don't want drama, you just want comfort. Mom will give you hugs.
7 :
Your husband is a drug addict,you can not change him,Discuss with him about your feeling,then give him time to change ,If he improves then well & good,otherwise move to your mother!s place .Admiral V K Singh
8 :
If I were you I would get rid of his as fast as I could.If your child would have got that stuff in his mouth he could be dead right now.Why are you even asking what you should do?You should protect your child and get the hell away from the situation.
9 :
I would absolutely, 100% leave temporarily. Go back to your mom's or anywhere you feel comfortable--you don't have to tell anyone what happened exactly, and I would not, I would just say you two got into in b/c the house was trashed or something. B/c if you two work it out you will not want everyone or esp your mom knowing what (almost) happened. What you need to do is SHOW him you mean business and the ONLY way he will take you seriously is if you do what you say and leave. IF he loves you this will scare him crapless and he will be willing to do anything, change anything to get you and his child back. If you stay and bitch NOTHING will change for very long. When you leave I would give it a few days before you even broach the subject of coming back. Make him sweat it out. This is VERY serious and he needs to realize that. When and if you do decide to start talking about going back you need to tell him that you will not allow anyone else staying with you guys for ANY length of time. I mean, he is a grown, married man and father and shouldn't be having friends over every night. That's ridiculous. Esp if they are THESE kinds of friends. Giving him he benefit of the doubt, it MIGHT not have been his coke, it really could have been someone else's--hopefully he would have sense enough to not leave the plate there--but that's really beside the point. The friends, the drugs, the partying the minute you walk out the door, it all needs to stop Hopefully this will be enough to make him realize this on his own and not let it ruin his life. Good luck.
10 :
Ask yourself, whats means more to you. The safety of your son, or your love for your hubby. Get your kid out of there.
11 :
Your responsibility is too your son. Get out of that place now. Don't look back and don't listen to the sweet talk. Time heals all wounds but it can't bring someone back to life.
12 :
if you're out of the house don't even go back, not even for clothes. if the authorities know you are hiding a fugitive and there's drugs involved i'm pretty sure they will arrest all of you, and of course take your child. your son was exposed to danger, drugs and who knows where the gun is. a person is no better than their friends, remember that.
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