GCSE English. Is this story half decent? Please can you check it? What grade will I get?
I blocked all sound out as I walked down the clean white intimidating walls of the hospital corridor. My trainers squeaked like a large family of rodents running away in fear from their ferocious flying feathered enemy. I looked down to take in as much detail as possible. I wanted to remember everything I could. It was an important day in my life. I could tell as soon as I woke up this morning. The floor of the long corridor was speckled orange as if someone had splattered it with paint. Attempting joyful creativity but failing as this was a place of death and torture for some people. I knew it was for me. I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like for Lilly. “She’s just through here†announced the nurse. My knees knocked together with nerves. I didn’t know if I wanted to see what was behind those brightly coloured patterned curtains. It all seemed so fake. Nothing seemed real any more. It’s the type of thing that happens in films. Not my life. I never thought it would happen to me. I pulled back the ugly colourful curtain and was shocked with what I saw. Lilly was as pale as a sheet lying in the white hospital bed. Almost lifeless, except from her chest slowly moving every second or so. The beeping from monitor echoed continuously around the small room. Lilly’s mum was a statue as I gasped. She didn’t notice anything apart from the zombie of my best friend in the hospital bed. Lilly’s skin was so pale; she looked like a china doll. “You have five minutes, then you’ll have to leave†Lilly’s mum let out a sob. How was I going to do it in five minutes? What if it was the last time I’ll ever see her? I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. I wanted to tell her all the gossip. I wanted to go to the beach with her. I wanted to go shopping with her. What if nothing like that ever happened again? I didn’t want to imagine it. The future was too dark to think about. Right now was where I should be keeping my mind, with Lilly. I needed to concentrate. Maybe if I talked to her, like I usually do. She’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal. “Lilly?†My voice was croaky from not talking in hours. I had to think about what I was going to say. What would wake her up? I remember when we first met; we were both eight. Our hair was in bunches and our front were teeth missing I recall as I reminisce about our old school class photo. She had just moved here from Manchester and everyone was teasing her because her accent was different to all the others children’s. I told them to back off but she said she didn’t need me to stand up for her. She told me she didn’t need to depend on anyone; it’s ironic now as she’s depending on a machine to breath for her. Then after school we were in the cloakroom, she saw my school bag had S Club 7 written on it. She asked if I liked them, I told her I loved them. She smiled a toothy grin and told me she loved them as well. Somehow despite our differences we got closer and closer over the years. We were inseparable. Until that red ford fiesta knocked her down. I awoke from my reminission as I heard a long beep. I knew this wasn’t good news straight away. The monitors beeped uncontrollably. The doctors and nurses pushed me and Lilly’s mum out of the way. “I’m sorry you’re going to have to leaveâ€, the nurse exclaimed. Lilly’s mum screamed. It pierced my ears. Not just the pitch but the emotion in the scream. They gathered around Lilly’s bed like ants surrounding a dropped piece of fruit. The last beep lasted a lifetime. I knew she was gone.
Books & Authors - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It gets better as you (meaning you as the author) get into. It seems like in the beginning your trying to get into the story too. Try writing some paragraphs before where you started that way you'll already be in it. The only problem I have with it is in the beginning. There's no emotion in it and the line about the rodents has got to go. Those kinds of lines have to be compact. Happy Trails
2 :
Not Great, but pretty good. Fine points remission, not reminisssion. colorful, not colourful Personally I would streamline this piece by making war on dative clauses, prepositional phrases, adverbials and passive verbs. YOURS: My voice was croaky from not talking in hours. I had to think about what I was going to say. MINE: My voice croaky from talk, I gave thought to what I should say. The most important thing is to keep on writing. Also keep in mind, sometimes creative writing requires one to bend the rules. I say this last bit because you are "this" close to doing flow of thought writing; especially at the start.
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Friday, December 14, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
Anyone read Life is funny? please help
Anyone read Life is funny? please help!!!!?
had to write short summary for hw about the book I read, wanted to know if it sounded okay, THANK you. Life is Funny is about eleven teenagers in Brooklyn, NY. They are all from different backgrounds and races; each deals with many problems that intertwine over a period of seven years. Their lives are full with relationships, family problems, alcoholic and abusive parents, drugs, and violence. The eleven teenagers are China, Eric, Monique, Drew, Grace, Mickey, Ebony, Sonia, Gingerbread, Keisha, and Sam. The story starts off with China. She is friends with Grace and Ebony, and eventually becomes friends with Sonia. To deal with the pain of missing her dad, Ebony cuts herself. China is the one who keeps bothering her to stop. Drew is very rich; he has everything except a good home life. He rejects all the material possessions that his father buys him when he finally calls 911 to save his mother from getting beaten again by his father. Gingerbread is Drew’s neighbor and witnesses all of the things he goes through. Gingerbread and Keisha end up dating. Keisha lives with her Aunt Eva, her little sister and older brother Nick. She also has a hard time but finds comfort in Gingerbread. Monique, who is pregnant by her abusive ex-boyfriend, finds real peace with Hector, a nurse at the prenatal clinic who knows that love is the only way to help her cope with her anger. Grace becomes a model; her life seems perfect, except for her relationship with her mom. Nothing Grace does is ever right in her mom’s eyes. Sam, like Grace also becomes a model. They date for awhile and find they have many things in common. When Drew comes to the High School in Brooklyn, he and Sam immediately make friends. Sonia is dealing with the pressure of being a good Muslim girl in an intolerant public school. It becomes really hard for her when the only person who seemed to understand her committed suicide. The story ends with Eric, who has also faced many problems like drugs. The only person he really seems to like is his brother. His mother is a drug addict, and he becomes the caretaker for his little brother, Mickey. The brothers are adopted by a family. Their new foster-sister, Linnette is intimidated by Eric and his bottled-up anger. Eric eventually opens up to Linnette and things start to get better. In the end, all of their stories seem to tie in with each other; they all have faced similar hardships and faced the reality of growing up into adulthood.
Family - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Clarify if Gingerbread is a guy or not.Other than that I think its great ^^
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had to write short summary for hw about the book I read, wanted to know if it sounded okay, THANK you. Life is Funny is about eleven teenagers in Brooklyn, NY. They are all from different backgrounds and races; each deals with many problems that intertwine over a period of seven years. Their lives are full with relationships, family problems, alcoholic and abusive parents, drugs, and violence. The eleven teenagers are China, Eric, Monique, Drew, Grace, Mickey, Ebony, Sonia, Gingerbread, Keisha, and Sam. The story starts off with China. She is friends with Grace and Ebony, and eventually becomes friends with Sonia. To deal with the pain of missing her dad, Ebony cuts herself. China is the one who keeps bothering her to stop. Drew is very rich; he has everything except a good home life. He rejects all the material possessions that his father buys him when he finally calls 911 to save his mother from getting beaten again by his father. Gingerbread is Drew’s neighbor and witnesses all of the things he goes through. Gingerbread and Keisha end up dating. Keisha lives with her Aunt Eva, her little sister and older brother Nick. She also has a hard time but finds comfort in Gingerbread. Monique, who is pregnant by her abusive ex-boyfriend, finds real peace with Hector, a nurse at the prenatal clinic who knows that love is the only way to help her cope with her anger. Grace becomes a model; her life seems perfect, except for her relationship with her mom. Nothing Grace does is ever right in her mom’s eyes. Sam, like Grace also becomes a model. They date for awhile and find they have many things in common. When Drew comes to the High School in Brooklyn, he and Sam immediately make friends. Sonia is dealing with the pressure of being a good Muslim girl in an intolerant public school. It becomes really hard for her when the only person who seemed to understand her committed suicide. The story ends with Eric, who has also faced many problems like drugs. The only person he really seems to like is his brother. His mother is a drug addict, and he becomes the caretaker for his little brother, Mickey. The brothers are adopted by a family. Their new foster-sister, Linnette is intimidated by Eric and his bottled-up anger. Eric eventually opens up to Linnette and things start to get better. In the end, all of their stories seem to tie in with each other; they all have faced similar hardships and faced the reality of growing up into adulthood.
Family - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Clarify if Gingerbread is a guy or not.Other than that I think its great ^^
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Saturday, December 1, 2012
What kind of economy will my generation be looking at
What kind of economy will my generation be looking at?
My dad has been really pushing me with school because he is trying to prepare me for the future. He says the next Great Depression is coming. Our government has spent so much money that it can't pay it's debt and the only way to pay it off is to raise taxes and prices of everything, but even that won't pay it off. Yet the government continues to print money so it can pay for all this stuff dropping the dollar value constantly. Businesses won't be able to pay their employees and people will lose their jobs. He says we are past the turning point and the only way to fix our economy is to fall. After we, the U.S. and major consumer fall, the industrial companies like China will fall with us, because we wont be buying their goods. He said he expects us, America, to go the war with China which might lead into another world war. I didn't really understand why he said China would want to go to war with us but he said something about their 2 trillion dollar reserve and us bringing the value of that down after we fall. I'm 15 and I'm a volunteer firefighter. I'm also going to be taking paramedic training classes when I'm 16 or 17. All my life I've wanted to be a serviceman and my plans for college are studying physical therapy and probably other stuff in health and hopefully I'll be able to get a PHD, would that be a safe career choice? I also plan on taking ROTC. After college I plan on enlisting into the Army. Would that also be a good idea, considering our future? But we might all get drafted if there is a war anyway. Then after the Army I plan on starting my career in physical therapy or whatever I get the PHD in if I get it. My fallback plan is to get a job in a hospital somewhere if i can because my mom is a nurse and I've learned stuff from her, I'm getting experience from firefighting, I'm in junior ROTC with my high school, and I plan on taking those paramedic classes. I don't know if I will be able to enlist and follow my dream anymore though. I might just have to work my butt off the rest of my life. My dad says we need to get a farm, drill a well, and learn to rely on our selves. What do you people think? Will i be able to follow my dream or is my dad right about this stuff? @Anjaree My dad is no democrat. He wants me to have a job that pays. Something in science, not necessarily in the health field. The health field seems safe to me because people will always need doctors.
Economics - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
your dad is a bit of a pessimist, but he's right about education. All brainless jobs are being outsourced to China or done by machines. Medical field is a very sensible career. Doctors earn a ton, and nurses, technicians and other support personnel are also making a decent living. The industry will not go away as population is ageing, and mechanization will not be a threat to jobs for at least a generation.
2 :
Your father is obviously a democrat. He supports the health care reform. Personel in the health sector will get a decent job and be rich. Our health care reform will be completed in 6 years. You can't wait.
3 :
I'm not sure things will turn out exactly the way your father predicts, but from where I stand, he is at least a realist. I tend to look at the more fundamental issues: the world is living beyond the carrying capacity of the Earth: http://dieoff.org/page110.htm http://dieoff.org/page13.htm That is not sustainable, which means things are almost certainly going to get a lot worse fairly soon. For example: 1. The U.S. economy and all modern economies are built on cheap energy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Energy_intensity When energy prices rise too high, the U.S. economy goes into recession http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/francis/archive/2009/09/16/oil-prices-mean-perpetual-recession.aspx So whether oil prices rise because of greater demand or just because the remaining oil is harder and harder to get to, the lack of cheap oil is going to hurt. 2. Global warming is going to hurt http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/09/science/earth/09climate.html etc. http://www.energybulletin.net/node/3834 So he is right about economic times getting harder. I can easily see wars over access to resources as a result, http://globalpolicy.org/the-dark-side-of-natural-resources/water-in-conflict.html but it is harder to see a complete breakdown of law and order in the U.S. And if there were a complete breakdown, no small group could survive for any length of time on their own. Even the American colonists relied on continuing support from England; the frontiersman on the supplies from town; etc. And, of course, modern society is far more complex than ever before. http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2010/07/insufficient-data.html So what's the answer? I can't tell you. But: 1. Education is never wasted as long as it is not too specialized. Very narrow niches can be very rewarding, but they are also very risky. 2. Technical skills are important, but so are people skills. And the ability to learn and adapt is going to be critical - very few people are going to be in one career their entire life. 3. Don't make security a high priority - it will ruin your life. 4. Stay healthy - take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, etc. Whether the world will run into major problems, as your father and I think, or not, things are going to be VERY different. (Compare your life as a teenager, your father's, and your grandfather's. Change has been coming thick and fast. So there will be big changes even if things work out very well.) Trying to anticipate and selecting the "right" path is the high risk approach. Being ready to adapt is the only way to survive. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalist_and_specialist_species All that said, getting into health care is not a bad idea; though I'd aim higher than physical therapy. The military does offer good training for better qualified enlistees (but maybe the Navy or Air Force rather than the Army?) and helps pay for schooling after, so that is not unreasonable either. And, no matter what, however good or bad things go, you will have to work your butt off the rest of your life. And people with high-paying jobs tend to work even more: http://www.bls.gov/k12/help06.htm So, try to find work you find worth doing, that will make you feel good about you've accomplished at the end of the day, not work that just pays well, but leaves you feeling like a heel.
Read more discussion :
My dad has been really pushing me with school because he is trying to prepare me for the future. He says the next Great Depression is coming. Our government has spent so much money that it can't pay it's debt and the only way to pay it off is to raise taxes and prices of everything, but even that won't pay it off. Yet the government continues to print money so it can pay for all this stuff dropping the dollar value constantly. Businesses won't be able to pay their employees and people will lose their jobs. He says we are past the turning point and the only way to fix our economy is to fall. After we, the U.S. and major consumer fall, the industrial companies like China will fall with us, because we wont be buying their goods. He said he expects us, America, to go the war with China which might lead into another world war. I didn't really understand why he said China would want to go to war with us but he said something about their 2 trillion dollar reserve and us bringing the value of that down after we fall. I'm 15 and I'm a volunteer firefighter. I'm also going to be taking paramedic training classes when I'm 16 or 17. All my life I've wanted to be a serviceman and my plans for college are studying physical therapy and probably other stuff in health and hopefully I'll be able to get a PHD, would that be a safe career choice? I also plan on taking ROTC. After college I plan on enlisting into the Army. Would that also be a good idea, considering our future? But we might all get drafted if there is a war anyway. Then after the Army I plan on starting my career in physical therapy or whatever I get the PHD in if I get it. My fallback plan is to get a job in a hospital somewhere if i can because my mom is a nurse and I've learned stuff from her, I'm getting experience from firefighting, I'm in junior ROTC with my high school, and I plan on taking those paramedic classes. I don't know if I will be able to enlist and follow my dream anymore though. I might just have to work my butt off the rest of my life. My dad says we need to get a farm, drill a well, and learn to rely on our selves. What do you people think? Will i be able to follow my dream or is my dad right about this stuff? @Anjaree My dad is no democrat. He wants me to have a job that pays. Something in science, not necessarily in the health field. The health field seems safe to me because people will always need doctors.
Economics - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
your dad is a bit of a pessimist, but he's right about education. All brainless jobs are being outsourced to China or done by machines. Medical field is a very sensible career. Doctors earn a ton, and nurses, technicians and other support personnel are also making a decent living. The industry will not go away as population is ageing, and mechanization will not be a threat to jobs for at least a generation.
2 :
Your father is obviously a democrat. He supports the health care reform. Personel in the health sector will get a decent job and be rich. Our health care reform will be completed in 6 years. You can't wait.
3 :
I'm not sure things will turn out exactly the way your father predicts, but from where I stand, he is at least a realist. I tend to look at the more fundamental issues: the world is living beyond the carrying capacity of the Earth: http://dieoff.org/page110.htm http://dieoff.org/page13.htm That is not sustainable, which means things are almost certainly going to get a lot worse fairly soon. For example: 1. The U.S. economy and all modern economies are built on cheap energy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Energy_intensity When energy prices rise too high, the U.S. economy goes into recession http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/francis/archive/2009/09/16/oil-prices-mean-perpetual-recession.aspx So whether oil prices rise because of greater demand or just because the remaining oil is harder and harder to get to, the lack of cheap oil is going to hurt. 2. Global warming is going to hurt http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/09/science/earth/09climate.html etc. http://www.energybulletin.net/node/3834 So he is right about economic times getting harder. I can easily see wars over access to resources as a result, http://globalpolicy.org/the-dark-side-of-natural-resources/water-in-conflict.html but it is harder to see a complete breakdown of law and order in the U.S. And if there were a complete breakdown, no small group could survive for any length of time on their own. Even the American colonists relied on continuing support from England; the frontiersman on the supplies from town; etc. And, of course, modern society is far more complex than ever before. http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2010/07/insufficient-data.html So what's the answer? I can't tell you. But: 1. Education is never wasted as long as it is not too specialized. Very narrow niches can be very rewarding, but they are also very risky. 2. Technical skills are important, but so are people skills. And the ability to learn and adapt is going to be critical - very few people are going to be in one career their entire life. 3. Don't make security a high priority - it will ruin your life. 4. Stay healthy - take care of yourself, eat right, exercise, etc. Whether the world will run into major problems, as your father and I think, or not, things are going to be VERY different. (Compare your life as a teenager, your father's, and your grandfather's. Change has been coming thick and fast. So there will be big changes even if things work out very well.) Trying to anticipate and selecting the "right" path is the high risk approach. Being ready to adapt is the only way to survive. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalist_and_specialist_species All that said, getting into health care is not a bad idea; though I'd aim higher than physical therapy. The military does offer good training for better qualified enlistees (but maybe the Navy or Air Force rather than the Army?) and helps pay for schooling after, so that is not unreasonable either. And, no matter what, however good or bad things go, you will have to work your butt off the rest of your life. And people with high-paying jobs tend to work even more: http://www.bls.gov/k12/help06.htm So, try to find work you find worth doing, that will make you feel good about you've accomplished at the end of the day, not work that just pays well, but leaves you feeling like a heel.
Read more discussion :
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