Rate my short story. Topic: Great Expectations?
I was never particularly close with my parents. It wasn’t because they were horrible people, it wasn’t because they made me learn my times tables when I was 5, and it wasn’t even because they use to smack me whenever I did something naughty. It was because I felt ashamed, ashamed that their English was never as good as others, ashamed that they would always stand awkwardly in the corner at parent teacher meetings, ashamed at their heritage. From a very young age I copped a lot of ridicule for being Chinese. Being one of only a few Asian kids at primary school, I was constantly a victim of the game ‘Spot the Chinese kid’. Back then I don’t think the other kids knew that there was a difference between Asian and Chinese and I didn’t either until some of the older kids told me. I was always bullied, being called names like ‘ching chong China man’ or being told that my parents named me by rolling a can with a coin in it down the stairs. For all of this I blamed my parents. I use to always think to myself ‘why did I have to be born this way?’, ‘why couldn’t I be white like the other kids?’ I think my parents saw my mentality, that’s why as primary school went on we slowly grew further and further apart. One of the expectations my parents had for me and all my brothers and sisters was that we learned Chinese. I had already been taught Cantonese from when I was a toddler, but I didn’t know a word of Mandarin so that’s why my parents enrolled me in a Saturday Chinese school at the age of 7. They would always tell me “remember you are a Chinese boy, so that’s why you must know Chinese�. I was originally receptive of the idea of learning Chinese, but gradually I lost motivation. I didn’t see the importance of learning Chinese, I spoke English at school, I watched English television shows, when was I ever going to use these language skills? We lived in Australia for goodness sake. It was not until I reached high school when I realised that I had been blaming my parents for all the wrong reasons. They still haven’t changed much from their broken English speaking, awkwardly standing in corners ways, but I realised that they weren’t to blame for me being picked on; I wasn’t to blame for me being picked on. It was the bullies who were to blame. The things being said escalated from ‘ching chong China man’ to ‘fuck off you oriental cunt’. I would tell my parents this but all they would say “aiii, don’t worry about them, we’ll see who is better when you become a lawyer�. I don’t think my parents can comprehend that there is more to life than getting the high paying jobs like doctors and lawyers. I can’t even joke about these things with them. I remember one time when I told my mum as a joke that I wanted to be a truck driver. Instead of getting a laugh, I got a long lecture about how she and my dad didn’t work so hard to put me through school, pay for tutors and pay my living expenses just to see me wind up as a truck driver. I told her it was a joke. She didn’t laugh. Growing up in a Chinese household meant that you had countless amounts of relatives. And boy do I have lots of relatives. When you have as many relatives as I do you’re bound to get compared. At family gatherings, comparing is pretty much what the older generation do. “What did your son get on his maths test hah?� “He got 96%� “Aiya, your son is so dumb, my daughter got 100%� I don’t blame them though; having a child with higher achievements meant more bragging rights. I remember one time when coming home from a family gathering my parents gave me a little hint about what hopes they had for me in the future. They told me “when you are older and have a Chinese wife and Chinese children, you will have visit us and not leave us in a nursing home�. I always laugh on the inside when I hear this because I don’t think they realise that relationships are not as black and white as they think it is. I had continued my Chinese lessons every Saturday since I was 7 years old and I am glad that I did. Although I still can’t speak the language fluently or fully understand everything that a person is saying, I still found an appreciation for the language. Now I can enjoy things such as Chinese movies and karaoke with my parents. And then I realised that learning Chinese was not only for my benefit, but it gave me a stronger relationship with my parents which I otherwise would not have had. I will never forget my parents telling me “remember you are a Chinese boy, so that’s why you must know Chinese�, because now I realise what they really mean by that is be proud of who you are and never forgot your lineage.
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1 :
This is an interesting and a well-written story. I found some syntax errors and maybe one or two errors in gamma. First Paragraph: and it wasn’t even because they use to smack me whenever I did something naughty. > Change "use to" to "used to" because it is past tense and habitual[1] Paragraph 2 that there was a difference between Asian and Chinese and I didn’t either until some of the older kids told me. > Add a comma between "Chinese" and "and". I use to always think to myself > "use to" => "used to" Paragraph 3 I had already been taught Cantonese from when I was a toddler, but I didn’t know a word of Mandarin so that's why my parents enrolled me in a Saturday Chinese school at the age of 7. > Try some form of stop between "Mandarin" and "so": > "Mandarin; so that's why" > "Mandarin. So that's why" > or at least: "Mandarin, so that's why" I didn’t see the importance of learning Chinese, I spoke English at school, I watched English television shows, when was I ever going to use these language skills? > Needs to make "when was I ever..." a separate, independent, clause > (as in a separate sentence,or something). > Try this. Several changes have been made(look carefully): I didn’t see the importance of learning Chinese as I only spoke English at school, and I watched only English television shows. When was I ever going to use those Chinese language skills? We lived in Australia for goodness sake! Paragraph 4 all they would say "aiii, don't worry about them, ..." > Add "was" and capitalize. Change to: all they would say was "Aiii, don't worry about them, ..." "high paying jobs" should be hyphenated as "high-paying jobs" Paragraph 5 comparing is pretty much what the older generation do. > Use "does". Change to "what the older generation does." "He got 96%" "Aiya, your son is so dumb, my daughter got 100%" > Added periods to the end in those quotes. Paragraph 6 I remember one time when coming home from a family gathering my parents gave > Add a comma after "from a family gathering", before "my parents gave". "when you are older and have a Chinese wife..." > Capitalize "when", the 1st word of the sentence in the quote. "you will have visit us and not leave us in a nursing home" > Change "you will have visit" to "you will have to visit" > If both sides of the "and" are part of the same idea use: "you will have to visit us and not leave us alone the a nursing home" > otherwise change to: "you will have to visit us; and don't put us in a nursing home" relationships are not as black and white as they think it is. > "it is" to "they are" Paragraph 7 I had continued my Chinese lessons every Saturday since I was 7 years old and I am glad that I did. > "I had continued" and "glad that I did" don'match. > "I continued" and "I did" is better as in: I continued my Chinese lessons every Saturday since I was 7 years old and I am glad that I did. I will never forget my parents telling me "remember you are a Chinese boy, so that's why you must know Chinese", because now I realize what they really mean by that is be proud of who you are and never forgot your lineage. > Capitalize the quote. > man => meant (past tense) > "it is be proud" to "; it is to be proud" > "lineage" to "heritage" > See below: what they really mean by that was to be proud of who you are, and to neverforgot your heritage. > or what they really mean by that was "Be proud of who you are, and never forgot your heritage."
2 :
I really like this. Mainly because I could relate to it. But partly because it was really well written, I really liked it and it kept me reading all the way through. Not many users in the Books & Authors section could do that. It was very humorous and straight forward. I hope that makes sense.
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